LOVE, SANDWICH

Daddy,"What do you think?" Megan asked me, displaying the recent clicks. Megan had opted for a design course which included photography as one of the major modules. In order to give the right exposure to the students, the faculty had arranged for a field shoot. Megan was standing there like a child with all the excitement and eagerness to receive my comments.

Now this is a very awkward situation I face often. I get into a dilemma. I don't quite understand what role I should play while sharing the feedback. One one side I see my child growing up in front of me and doing such awesome things in life. As a parent, the effort is definitely worth an applause and a louder one because she is my daughter. The other self is the professional self, as I too am a photographer. It keeps on prompting from inside to be realistic in my approach and point out the flaws and the mistakes for her to learn better. I often get drawn into this interpersonal conflict.

Since, I was not equipped to offer a feedback at that point in time in the most effective manner, I lamely uttered, "Good Job!" and excused myself from there. I am certain that that was not something which Megan wanted to hear and besides she also must have sensed a neutral tone in my 'Good Job' comment. I felt it was absolutely pathetic and how she would have felt. "I am sorry" I said to myself and moved on.

It was after many months that Mike visited me. Mike and I went to college together. He later majored in human resources and got his masters.I pursued commercial arts and opted for a photography major. 

It was a pleasure to have conversations with Mike as every time he is able to leave me with perspective on human behaviors and human relationships. Afterall he was expert and an eminent professional in the HR domain. In the due course while sipping some coffee he shared about some recent episode at his organization that he is looking into as a Global HR head. It was about how an employee had reacted to a feedback given by the senior manager, and caused harm to himself. It was indeed alarming to know that how a simple feedback can actually cause so much turmoil at the other end. One simply could not fathom it. After listening to the case I immediately thought of my inhibition to share a feedback. Being a friend, I didn't think twice to get some advice from the expert and told him about my issue with feedback. 

Mike smiled at me and said,"Don't worry buddy. You are not the only one. There is a huge community out there that struggles with this particular skill. Now I have two good news for you." "Really! And what are those?" Mike again smiled at me. I guess this HR profession teaches people to be ever smiling. I guess they would be spending their first quarter on just getting the interns to smile right in any situation. He said, " One is that giving and receiving feedback is a skill. Now when I say it's a skill, it implies that it can be learned. So relax! And the other good news is that you have already identified and acknowledged that you have an issue when it comes to feedback. Which implies that you are willing to learn and better the art of feedback. That's a great starting point, Jake." That was a great relief to know that I was on the right track.

Mike continued, "It's actually very simple. Before I say anything, let me ask you, what is the purpose of a feedback?"

I replied,"Well, it's to let the person know where he/she is going wrong, so that...so that the person is able to improvise his performance and not commit the same mistake again."

"Excellent!" cried Mike and further asked,"Is it only the mistakes you share in a feedback or talk about the accomplishments as well?"

"Of course, talking about the positives of the performance is also a part of the feedback. I mean appreciating, recognising efforts is essential."

"Absolutely" Mike said,"being human beings we all love to be appreciated and experience positive emotions. It's a motivator for us. So we agree that the feedback consists of positives as well as the" "Negatives!" I cried out and completed the sentence for Mike. He didn't seem so happy with that and at once said,"Umm...I know a lot of people will say that,but if you ask me, I like to call it the 'areas of improvement'. Doesn't that sound good to the ear?" 

I silently nodded in agreement.

"Now let me give you a key point about the feedback and that is where most of them are wrong. When you give feedback you need to be very specific about a behaviour that was right or not so right and talk only about it. For example a person turning up late for work should be given feedback on the unpunctual behaviour. You shouldn't be saying to him/her that he/she is a lousy and pathetic person. A loser. Because what we are talking about doesn't stay specific then and is taken as a personal assault by the receiver. And then it might lead to cases like the one I am resolving right now. The same holds true for positive feedback. If his/her good performance is because of his/her few peculiar behaviors like very methodical approach or accuracy with quality measures or timely communication then talk about these qualities while appreciating the person. Don't make generic comments like 'Great job' 'Well done'. It doesn't resonate well with the person. And it takes away the credibility from you as a person offering feedback. I hope that makes sense to you, Jake"

"Wow that's an amazing perspective to have on giving both kinds of feedback. Amazing Mike. I am all ears. Go on!"

"Ok now let me give you a great structure in which you can feed your feedback, especially when you are doing an evaluation of any performance. For example performance review or evaluating a candidates portfolio etc. This method is called 'The Sandwich Method", "That's interesting! It also kind of make me hungry." 

"Ya me too, remember the receiver is hungry for feedback and hence it's our job to feed him a nice sandwich. If you do a good job he will be full and leave happy. If not you will have an unsatisfied customer who won't ring the Pizza Hut bell while leaving." "Wow! Feed me the sandwich" I said. 

"So what does the sandwich method talk about? Very simple. If you take any sandwich it's made of three layers. The top and the bottom generally is your bread and the middle part is your filling. When you take a bite into the sandwich it's all three layers that contribute to the taste and you derive that sense of satisfaction. Your taste buds tingle and want to go for the next bite. Jake!! Jake, wipe off the drool and pay attention." I was literally drooling on visualising that nice juicy sandwich.

Mike continued,"Jake, our first layer and the last layer, the bread, is the positive feedback.the middle filling is the feedback on ?" Mike paused and looked at me anticipating an answer. "Improvement areas" I said promptly. Mike looked happy with my answer. "Perfect! So you sandwich your feedback on improvement areas between feedback about the positives. Just like you make your sandwich start with a bread, meaning positives. Appreciate. This makes the receiver happy and puts him/her into a listening mode. They become more receptive to the feedback. Once you get them into a positive mind frame, it's a good opportunity to share the areas of improvement very specially as mentioned earlier. After this piece of feedback lands well, top off the sandwich with the other bread, meaning more positives and express confidence in the person of a superior performance in the future. I hope that helps you get a grip over sharing feedback much more effectively."

I almost had tears in my eyes. I took Mike's hand in my hands and gripped it firmly. I was overwhelmed with the manner in which Mike had unfolded the information."Thank you so much buddy. I really appreciate it." Mike smiled, felt my emotion and patted me on my shoulder.

Now I am fully prepared to share my honest feedback in a sandwich method with Megan. Today she has gone for another outdoor shoot and will be coming back anytime and showing me her work. I await that moment in complete excitement.  

 

© - Rahul Shinde 10/JUN/2020